You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
