Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
