Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Floor bacon is actually really good
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
