my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We named our party play list daddy issues
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
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