Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
