I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
