Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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