I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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