Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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