i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
