Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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