Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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