Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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