i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
