I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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