my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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