Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
