so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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