Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am available for nakedness
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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