You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
