How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
