She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Someone signed my nipple.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
