I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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