theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
