Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm passing your future prison.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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