and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
