Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
