until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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