I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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