the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My feet surprised me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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