Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
