i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
