I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
