Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Duck Duck Cougar?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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