So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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