Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
