By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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