The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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