We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
