I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
