Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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