dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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