Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
