My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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