I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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