Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
