he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
