I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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