I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
