i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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