so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
