i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
