kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
